Social butterflies are in their element during adolescence. It’s the most social period of our lives. We properly discover the opposite sex and the new exciting world they open up. We confide in the same sex with stories of chasing after girls or boys, play sport with them and some of us even go to single sex schools, further increasing our desire for socialisation with the other gender outside of school, or for some, helping them realise they may in fact be happier amongst their own sex. We have friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, friends with benefits, parents, sisters, brothers, teachers, coaches and amongst all of them, socialites.
Our dearest social butterflies float between many different groups of people, appearing to have lots of friends and in most cases not actually having that many because they spread themselves so thin. They become more allured to having over 1,000 facebook friends, attending multiple parties in a weekend and being constantly asked out because of their apparent popularity.
The funny thing about all this is I’m constantly called a socialite. I’ll admit I am. But not for the reasons defined above. I just enjoy peoples company: talking, listening, meeting new people and familiar people, young and old, straight or gay, girls or boys, builders and lawyers. Yes of course we enjoy some peoples company more than others but I naturally have a smile on my face and try to put one on those of others.
But when can we call a socialite a friend? What defining moment or even small gesture will make you believe that you can call on that person?
Lets firstly think about the basis to much of your communication with such a person. Does it stem past, ‘how are you?’... ‘what have you been up to?’ and ‘how is your girlfriend?’ Also, does you method of communication develop beyond facebook, the bus ride home or any other generally sociable or public place? If the answer is no, then you can probably already conclude that they aren’t a close friend.
Secondly, does this person call you? Connect with you? Or start a conversation ever? Again, if they readily do this with others but not particularly yourself, then you can probably conclude they aren’t your friend.
Thirdly, if when they do call, text or talk to you and it is inevitably for something they want from you, whether it be to borrow a game, a girl or get invited to a party, then you can almost totally decide they are not your friend.
I had a socialite friend once. We used to fight in primary school then when we moved into High school, something happened and all of a sudden we were best mates. Hung out all the time, had some great times together. But, then I realised that I was almost always the one calling him and that when he did call me, it was for his own ultimate benefit. Sure we had some great times together, but I decided to not call him anymore and see what happened. If he called, then we’d be friends. If not, then I didn’t want to be his friend. Five years on, we’ve lost touch. Still happy to see each other when we do run into each other but he’s too caught up in developing his own life to enrich the lives of others; a real shame.
Of course in the world we have givers and takers. Most religions say that to give will make you happier. Most of us for the best part can’t understand this. To help you realise what they might be trying to preach about I want to pose the same two questions newly-deceased Egyptians were asked to determine whether they could enter heaven or not:
Have you had joy in your life?
Have you bought joy to the lives of others?
The first question I thought was quite straight-forward. Most of us have had joy in our lives even if it was when we were a child and playing with our friends or in the park to an adult and seeing our own children into the world. But, the second question really threw me.
While you’re thinking about your answers to those questions, let’s get back to social butterflies. Is there in fact anything wrong with them? As long as they slip in and out of groups graciously, bringing joy to each of the new people they meet, why can’t they do what they do? Well I don’t see any problem with it. Not for those of us that watch them pass by. It is more unfortunate for the socialites themselves as they never really form true bonds with those they meet. Their venture to meet new people and extend their social web in the hope of moving up the social ladder, see them move on quite quickly.
What I found really interesting when I was going to house parties as a teenager was the ‘popular’ the groups. The girls and guys who are good-looking (even if it takes five layers of make-up!), have nice houses and go to good schools. I grew up in that kind of an area; the most-densely populated area of private schools in the world. I socialised with the ‘popular kids’ for a year or two until at about 16 or 17 I’d had enough and left them completely. But what mostly fascinated me during this period was how at a party or gathering, I would meet a girl or guy, but let’s stick with girl for the moment, who I’d form a connection with. She was aesthetically good looking and that was mostly the reason she was accepted into this group of people. Below though, what I had been able to unlock by sitting down with them and actually looking into their eyes and listening, was so much more than the shallow veneer they put on. Despite this though, beyond a few more chats out and about, we’d slip apart. The bounds of their peer group clearly not allowing such a connection to flourish. If it wasn’t approved of by her friends, it wasn’t approved of by her. While for those few moments we could look at each other and know that she really wanted to break free and properly express her own self, she couldn’t because of her social position. I guess that was high school for you.
So how do you know when a socialite is your friend? When they call you to see how you are. When just you two go down the street for a chat. When they call you for your birthday or more importantly when your grandma passes away or you break up with your partner. A socialite signals they are your friend when they show some care in your life, be it good or more particularly bad. Instead of becoming annoyed at these people though, have compassion for their inability to form proper friendships and let down their barriers to allow other people in. If you can do this and have a moment where they can see you understand them for what they are, you may just put a twinkle in their eye and bring some joy to their life. Then you should feel a lot more prepared if you front up at the gates of Egyptian Heaven.
Found this quote in my 'notes on life' book, the physical one I write in from time to time. was flicking back through it today and found this from my dads birthday. no meaning behind the date, just happened to be I guess. hope it evokes some thought. 
