While the baby boomer generation were the result of an unusually high rate of fertility, it is beginning to look as if the men of Gen Y will have the opposite success. They may know how to use every computer or phone thrust in front of them but it seems they've overlooked one of the basic requirements of existence; reproduction.
The cause of this apparently inevitable dip has already spread through most of the West and is only withholding its mercy from overweight and unstylish men. Human behavioural specialists and scientists say they foresaw the problem years ago when the item concerned with causing such damage was released onto the market. Yet, some are praising the results saying it will solve the impending overpopulation of the planet. Suggestions are beginning to propose the East take similar measures to contain their population growth and also get some fashion sense.
This magical item that appears destined to solve the worlds population issues? Skinny jeans. Cheap Monday, Dr Denim, Levi’s, Diesel, Nudie, Topman and many more men’s clothes companies produce the now so called birth control jeans. They have all declined to comment on the arising situation.
What’s the big deal over a pair of jeans then? Human anatomic scientist Dr Fredericke Bovanne explains that, ‘because the jeans are so tight they restrict the freedom of the scrotum.’ He says this is significant as, ‘the scrotum hangs from the body so that it can cool more efficiently to adjust to an optimal sperm producing temperature.’ Dr Bovanne concludes that, ‘with such a widespread number of the male population wearing the jeans on a daily basis, we will see a higher rate of infertility in the very near future as not enough sperm can be produced to its usual high standard. There will be a very large gap in the population of the West in the approaching decade or two.’
The group of Parisian fashion designers responsible for introducing the male skinny jean to the world are instead refuting the developing dilemma and claiming, ‘we have solved global overpopulation.’ A male model from one of Melbourne’s leading men’s brands made his point clear, ‘we don’t care. If wearing skinny jeans gets us a beautiful woman, we’ll wear them, ya know? If I haven’t got a woman I can’t have babies anyway, ey?’
Only time will answer the speculation surrounding the issue. Melbourne is unfortunately highly susceptible to the affects of the male skinny jean due to its fashionable sensitivity. Women, if you want a family, find yourself an unfashionable overweight male.
Matthew Defina
please apply common sense when analysing the truthfulness of the article. The names and quotes used in the article are that of fiction and are not from real people.
please apply common sense when analysing the truthfulness of the article. The names and quotes used in the article are that of fiction and are not from real people.
